Have u ever wanted something so much

Ever had the feeling u wanted something so much that the feeling almost kills u? Yeah well i had and its really a painful experience...it was a dream that i had and the wanting is so much that it can kill.

It just made me hard and tough and strong...and i went ard with the u want to beat me down, bring it on!! I am gg to hurt u so bad. But the one who was really hurt is me. I refused to let anyone in. I refused to let my heart out. Cos i dun want to feel that kind of wanting anymore. It almost killed my self confidence. It made me feel so unwanted and so like a begger.

As i grew older, i refused to be beaten.. i refused to soften up though my friends see that once in a while. But all the outside world could see was this tough and hard and proud bitch. In some ways i was certainly protected but in other ways it made my heart lonely too. Not all the time lonely.. only sometimes.. cos i would usually be too busy to have time to think.

Life was just a mad rush hurrying from one thing to another, completing one task followed by another.. but i was so deprived.. so deprived of time to myself for myself to talk to myself and get in touch with the person inside.. i guess today i will have to do some digging to bring the person out of the coffin to talk to her again.

I missed that girl.